


if tomorrow it's all over, at least we had it for a moment

by bothsexuals



Category: Dickinson (TV)
Genre: Post-1x09, platonic soulmatism, shes a lesbian hes gay and their non-marriage defies all stereotypes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:33:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28483935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bothsexuals/pseuds/bothsexuals
Summary: The night after Ben died, a carriage came for Emily.
Relationships: Emily Dickinson & Benjamin Newton
Comments: 5
Kudos: 21





	if tomorrow it's all over, at least we had it for a moment

**Author's Note:**

> I just watched Dickinson and I just adore their dynamic. They're just the definition of platonic soulmates and I find that so beautiful and sexy of them. Anyways, I wrote this to cope with my baby boy being d-word. 
> 
> Title from No Choir by Florence and the Machine.

The night after Ben died, a carriage came for Emily. She heard the galloping horses approaching and stood, walked down the stairs and out of the house, and only then did she look down at her dress. It wasn’t red—no, it was white, like a bride’s. A bride that never was, never could be. 

The carriage came into sight, but it wasn’t the usual one. The horses looked real, though they seemed to be floating just slightly above ground, and the entire carriage was covered in flowers—white lilies, to be exact. She took a deep breath and held it as the carriage came to a halt. She let it go when Ben stepped out. 

“Emily,” he murmured, extending a hand towards her. She took it without hesitation. 

“Ben,” she uttered in disbelief, “how are you here?” 

“I love you, Emily Dickinson,” he answered, and pressed a kiss to her hand—he felt warm. Alive. “A little death’s not gonna stop me.” 

“I love you,” she replied and flung her arms around him, buried her face in the crook of his neck and breathed in. He smelled of books and ink and the tea she had learned to be his favourite. He tightened his arms around her and held her, she hoped forever. 

He let go, but kept hold of her hand. “Wanna go for a ride?” he asked. 

She nodded, and let him lead her into the carriage. He sat at her side, and she idly played with his fingers as they rode in silence until she spoke up. (It had always been that way with him—he’d let her be silent, let her travel beyond the skies with her mind, and he’d welcome her with open arms and eager ears when she came back down.)

“It shouldn’t have been you,” she whispered, “I should’ve gone in your place.”

“No, you shouldn’t have,” he replied, “you’ve got so much to give the world, Emily Dickinson. I was never worth quite that much.” 

“You’re worth everything to me,” she choked out. 

He kissed her hand again. “That's why you didn’t marry me,” he said with a cheeky grin.

She smiled. “I would’ve very much liked to spend the rest of my life with you, you know? You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. Other than Sue, of course.”

“But it’s different with her, isn’t it?” he asked. 

“Yeah,” she nodded, “it’s probably the way it should have been with you.” 

He shrugged. “I liked the way we were.”

“So did I.” 

They simply smiled at each other for a few moments, until he said, “As my non-wife, will you be in charge of my funeral?” 

She nodded. “I’ll make it beautiful, I promise.”

“I’m certain you will.” He looked out the window, thoughtful. “I would’ve liked some flowers,” he mumbled, “too bad it’s winter.” 

“I’ll find flowers for you,” she declared, determined as ever, “a little snow won’t stop me.” 

He looked at her, his eyes filled with the purest kind of adoration, and she couldn’t avert her gaze—but why would she want to? She thought she might have been happy to gaze upon his friendly eyes and fond smile forever. 

“You’re quite something, you know?” he finally said. He cupped her cheek with one hand, and she leaned into the touch, putting her own hand on top of his.

“So are you. You never wanted me to love you any differently than I did,” she whispered, “and that made me love you all the more.”

“You loved me perfectly,” he replied, “and I loved you just the same.” 

The carriage came to a stop, and Emily realized that their time was over. “Will you come back?” she asked, “Please?”

“I shall be with you—” he rested his forehead against hers, tenderly stroking her cheek with his thumb “—for as long as you want me to be.” Emily let her eyes flutter close as he pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. 

“Forever,” she whispered. She opened her eyes to find him gone and herself back in her room, once again wearing her nightgown. A tear rolled down her cheek, right where his hand had been. “Forever, Ben.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed this, please leave some comments and/or kudos! It makes me very happy :D


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